…it just has to be scary.
Want an idea of how my mind works?
A few weeks ago (or maybe a month, I’m not totally sure) Hailey was running and playing in the living room. She stopped and looked at me and said, “Owww, my head it hurting.” So I asked her where it hurt and she pointed to the back of her head. I gave her a kiss and then she ran on her way, totally fine. But do you want an idea of how my mind works? My first thought was, “It could be a brain tumor.” And then I worried about it for the rest of the day. Never mind that she was completely fine a second later. It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to be scary.
Another time Hailey looked up at me and I thought one of her eyes looked lower than the other eye. Clearly (in my mind) she’d had a stroke or some other serious problem with her brain. Then I realized she just had her head tilted to the side. But for the rest of the day (and maybe even the next day) I kept staring at her making sure her face was still even. It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to be scary.
Last week while Hailey was sick we were in the steamy bathroom trying to help her cough and Hailey said, “My jaw is hurting.” So I asked her where her jaw was (I wasn’t sure if she knew) and she pointed to her forehead. So, I said, “Where does it hurt?” And she pointed to the top of her head. A few seconds later when I asked her where it hurt she pointed to her stomach. Apparently nothing really hurt because she couldn’t decide where it hurt. Or, if her head did hurt- it could have been from being sick for 2 weeks and from taking medication with a side effect of headache. BUT, in my mind it was clearly another sign of a brain tumor. It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to be scary.
A few days later Hailey was playing. She stopped, looked at me, put her hand on top of her head and said, “I’m cold. I need my sweatshirt.” Want to know how crazy my mind works- I thought her head must have hurt and that she also had a chill. Both of which, in my mind, were signs of a brain tumor. It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to be scary.
I have to tell you that I really debated over whether or not to post this. As I read back over this I know I sound really crazy. I know these thoughts are not rational. I know that Hailey is perfectly healthy and she shows no signs of any serious illness. I am thankful that other than a few colds and some problems with asthma- Hailey has been completely healthy. But this is still how my mind works.
And these are just a few examples of how my mind works- I go through thoughts like this every single day. My mind always creates a scary scenario no matter what the circumstances. Remember, It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to be scary.
So, am I completely paranoid? Do other moms do things like this? Do I just deal with it or should I be medicated?
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