This has been bothering me for a while now. I keep thinking I should blog about it and maybe I’ll feel better. But, then I keep finding other things to blog about so that I can avoid what has been bothering me.
I have been feeling like such a bad mommy for a while. Then several weeks ago I was reading on someones blog about how someone else had told her what a great mommy she was. So, I started thinking that I didn’t think anyone had ever told me that.
A little while later we were visiting at my parents house and my dad was talking about what a great mother my mom is. And she is- she is a fabulous mom. And she did tons of stuff with me and my brothers when we were little. She is still like that- always there for us no matter what. She’s definitely the best mom ever. So, anyways, I started thinking some more and wondering if anyone would ever talk about me that way. You know talk about how I did such a great job with Hailey.
Every day when I get up I vow that today will be a new day. I will spend lots of time with Hailey. We will play together, we will read together, we will do art activities together. We will sing and laugh and it will be a wonderful day.
But that isn’t what happens. I have to spend a lot of time on the computer. Writing sponsored posts, trying to drive traffic to my blogs so I can write more sponsored posts, trying to come up with posts to put on my blogs so that people will want to come back again, etc. It might not seem like much but so often I spend almost the whole day in front of my computer working.
Most of that time Hailey has to entertain herself. And she is usually pretty good. I do take breaks to play with her, but it’s just not what I want. I want to give her all of my attention and not have to even look at my computer. But I can’t because we need the extra income I am getting right now (because of this). I just keep thinking about how fast these days are going by and how I feel like I am missing everything because I spend so much time in front of my computer.
And then I wonder if in 30 years Rich will be telling Hailey how wonderful I was as her mommy. And right now, I don’t think so.
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